i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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