Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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