The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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