You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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