What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
