She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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