In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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