he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
