i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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