He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
