Quick, to the slutcave!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
