Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize