smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
