will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
