He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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