remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
