Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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