I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
