She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize