that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
