capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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