Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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