jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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