Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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