I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
