i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
