Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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