I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
