Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
