I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize