we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
