He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
