You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
