I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
