I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
