It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
