How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize