1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he puts the penis in happiness.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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