just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
