Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
