You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
