You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
