so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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