eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
