oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
