I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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