i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
