her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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