you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
