oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
