we're blogging at a bar
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
