I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
