Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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