when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
third nipple confirmed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
