I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize