You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
