Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
