In the future we'll all be gay
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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