I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
