I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
