Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
