The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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