Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
