I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
