Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
