Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
