it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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