i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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