I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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