Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
