North Korea, Best Korea!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
