Please, let me fuck your mom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
