My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
