WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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