i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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