Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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