I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
