Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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